Senator Mitch McConnell One Step Closer Towards Completing His Metamorphosis Into Demonic Toad Lord

"The pain of the people makes me all the more powerful!

Long time senator of Kentucky, Senate majority leader, and apparent amphibian Mitch McConnell has lately been looking more strange than usual. According to him, he is entering the final stages of his evolution.

"I am approaching the final stages of my metamorphosis" McConnell gargled, one unnaturally bulging eye following a fly hovering around the camera. "I will soon shed off this mortal skin and continue my reign over this country for all eternity".

The Senator claims to be a descendant of Bael: an ancient demonic being who ruled over 250 leagues of demons eons ago. He goes on to explain that the misery of the American people is the source of his growing strength. "I feed off the hate and sorrow of those I govern. The pain of the people makes me all the more powerful!" He continues to describe his work process, throat and cheeks expanding with pleasure. "It's quite simple actually. When a bill comes through the Senate that will screw over the American people, I fight like hell for it. When it helps the people, I leave it on my desk to rot. I then celebrate by digging myself a mud hole to nap in".

Activities the Senator enjoys outside of work include watching beloved family pets get euthanized, and watching Strawberry Shortcake with his grandchildren.