Former Toys Are Us and Claire’s Execs “Feel Betrayed” After Reddit Users Saves GameStop

“You little turds! We made your childhoods too!”

Anonymous executives from the recently bankrupt companies Claire’s and Toys Are Us are reportedly fuming after hearing the news about GameStop. GameStop, a Funko Pop store that also sells video games, has seemingly been saved from threat of bankruptcy three days ago by a semi-organized group on the social media site Reddit. The Redditors (or Redditans?... Reddians?) took over hedge funds by buying incredibly large numbers of GameStop stocks, financially stabilizing the company. Later that day they used the same method on the movie theater company AMC.

“I didn’t know they could do that?!” screamed a long-past Claire’s exec, brutally tearing off one of her multiple hot pink nose rings. “I didn’t even know what Reddit was until two days ago. When the hell did they get the ability to do all of this? Why didn’t they save us?!”.

“You little turds! We made your childhoods too” growled an ex-Toys Are Us CEO, scratching a tattoo on his neck depicting a man of his likeness snapping a giraffe’s neck over his knee. “We used to hire people to wipe your snot off our floors, and this is how you repay us? Well, someday we will be back. And when that day comes you better hope to god you don’t have children. Because we will brainwash them so frequently, and so completely into needing our shit, that you won’t be able to take one step in your own home without stepping onto a sharp, pointy piece of capitalistic plastic!! HAHAHAH!!!!”.