Real Cause Of Climate Change Revealed: God Getting Earth Ready For Global Meatloaf Concert

Creator of the universe (and by extension York Peppermint patties) God himself announced himself earlier today. “My children, I have something important to tell you!” boomed the omnipotent creator, his voice transmitted through every electronic device, place of worship, and toilet. “I am afraid your theories of the causes of what you call ‘climate change’ are not correct. Rising temperatures, dying ecosystems, hurricanes, and fire tornadoes: all of these trends are a result of my preparations for Meatloaf’s next live concert. There is no thinning of the ozone from your use of fossil fuels, no deforestation being caused by man, I just really want this performance to look rad as hell. I will keep you updated as the event nears its inevitable debut!”

Following this astonishing announcement, we met with Meatloaf outside his home in Dallas, Texas. Meatloaf (aka Michael Lee Aday), a famous heavy metal singer and actor, was not in the least bit surprised by the lord’s message. “I knew he was going to make the announcement today” stated the rock star. “He’s been my producer for 45 years. While I was making ‘Bat Out of Hell’ with Jim Steinman, God came to me wanting to collaborate. He liked my sound and aesthetic see? I was surprised since I always found my style more underwordly, but he dug it nonetheless. He asked me if I would like to do a live performance for the whole world. I said “sure, why not” and ever since the world has been going slowly to shit”

We questioned him further about the ethics of creating this concert by sacrificing the natural world. “Eh, I’ve talked to him (God) about it a few times, but his mind is set. He’s a difficult one. I say just try to enjoy it. God is renting a few million demons from hell in a couple decades to fly around and breathe fire while I riff my guitar, I think that pure awesomeness is enough of a trade off for the world as we know it.”