New President Elect Joe Biden Concedes Win To Trump

“You know what, I don’t think I want it anymore”

After the announcement of his projected win Saturday morning, Newly President Elect Joe Biden went on MSNBC to concede his victory to President Trump. “I’m very happy that the country voted for me” The former Vice President began to a visibly twitching Rachel Maddow. “But you know what, I don’t think I want it anymore. Trump can have it”.

“So you are giving away your term for Trump to be in office another four years?!” Asked an incensed Maddow, who at this point was grinding her teeth violently. “Well, yeah” Answered Biden, “For the whole election pretty much all I did was hang out with my buddies in my basement and eat superman ice cream. That’s my favorite flavor because of all the colors it has. Anyway, when I found out I won this morning I came to a realization: I’m old, do I want to give up the few remaining years I have to a stressful job when I can instead continue to eat ice cream and figure out what the hell Animal Crossing is? You think I would give that up, come on. I know Trump isn’t the best guy, but I’m sure we’ll be able to handle another four years of him. All we have to do is shut ourselves into our six-bedroom mansions and ignore him”