Eye Of Sauron To Be Sole Speaker For The GOP National Convention

The Republican National Committee announced early this morning that they are removing all of their scheduled speakers for their digital national convention. In their place will be the ruler of Mordor and terror of Middle Earth: The Dark Lord Sauron.

“Well, not all of him” clarified Ronna McDaniel, chairwoman of the Republican National Committee, and supervisor of the convention. “It’s just his eye. Some schmuck destroyed his body thousands of years ago and now he’s manifested himself into a flaming, demonic eye blah blah blah. I’m sure you have more important questions to ask”.

The chairwomen was questioned on how Sauron was expecting to speak if he didn’t have a mouth. “That’s not a problem,” she answered. “He’s not going to. Throughout the whole convention we plan to just let him just stare into the camera. Sauron feels that he is similar to President Trump in many ways, and he believes that having millions of people stare directly into his hellish pupils for hours on end will convey the Republican platform clearly. I think our base will get the message and love it!”.

The Republican National Convention will be airing from 8:30pm-11pm on August 24th-27th.